I am struggling

I lose my patience way to often with Sydney. She doesn't ever listen the first ten times, and at that point I am so fed up with it my voice is either raised or I am yelling. And I always wish I had thought of another way to handle the situation. Bed time is such a nightmare. She doesn't stay in bed for anything. No matter how many reminders. Her answer is always the same. She is hungry. Which brings up another point she never eats all her dinner. Just a few bites, and she is done. And as hard as I try most of the time I don't end up following the "sorry, but you'll have to wait til morning to eat" consequence because after an hour or two of that I am just done.

And I know there are better ways to handle those situations. But in the heat of the moment, I don't handle losing my patience very well. And I really need to be better about it.

I have a friend on facebook, who is posting about her parenting "wins" and "intentional family time" and every time I see one of those posts, I remind myself that I need to do better.

•  I love the relationship between gratitude and trees - as they grow upward the roots deepen at the same time.
• Perspective.
• Positive self talk. Hope as a mindset. Progress matters. Joy. Gratitude. Being present. Simple.
• Spiritual food. I need it daily. Studied the Lord's words on patience this morning. Grateful those words were fresh in my mind as this cute detour happened on our walk. "Detours" of all kinds happen in life. And it's hard to naturally be patient. I'm naturally terrible at it. Grateful we have tools to open our spirits, hearts and minds.
• I've found there are some things in life we have to schedule, or life will schedule that time with other things
• Progress. Simplify. Love. Lift. Courage. Faith. Trust. Gratitude.
• "We can be better today than we were yesterday."-October General Conference
• Take ACTION!! Seriously. Whatever change you want to make, that you keep thinking about...
  Now matter how big or small...Take a step.
  
   

And I know spending way to much time doing nothing on the computer but watching movies, doesn't help me connect and maintain my relationship with her. But after 7 weeks of relaxing for the most part while my ankle is healing, I am struggling with getting anything done. Even though Sydney and I talk about what we need to do every day, rarely does it ever get accomplished. Which is a horrible example for her. The constantly dirty house and the mom who is on the computer more frequently than I am on the floor playing with the girls. I am grateful that in our apartment the computer is located a few feet from the living room, so on those moments when I am trying to be a good parent, I turn around and watch the girls and engage with them.

Sydney is becoming quite the little mommy though. And if Lizzy is doing something she know she shouldn't do then she picks her up or takes away whatever the item is and all I hear is the after math crying. And then I begin on the lecture of don't pick up sister, or don't take things away. One day I know she is going to be Lizzys' best friend.

I feel like I am failing to teach her how to be nice to others, when to say sorry (even though I have her say it when she needs to), how to use her manners, how to write her name, how to begin to read, how to be grateful, or how to have fun without the tv.

Lately she has been watching these videos on this Kids Tube (youtube for kids) app on the tablet, and its people/kids playing with play dough or dolls. But she refuses to go play those things for herself.
And I feel like it's my fault that she enjoys watching other kids play in a video than she does in going and playing for herself. 

There was a blog post called " Bad Mom Days" by Holly Ledbetter. And I'm going to share part of it
because it strikes a cord within me, and she says it better than I can.


"I feel like social media has influenced parenting, and particularly motherhood, immensely. So much sharing of so much good is wonderful, but it definitely plays a role in making mothers feel inadequate. It's not right, but it's only human to compare ourselves to others. When I have a bad mom day, I start comparing myself to Penny down the street who has 8 kids under the age of 5 and has a clean house and children who are dressed with hair done and who seem absolutely perfect. But then there's the other side to social media and it's influence on parenting. There's the side that says that "this is real life" in reference my bad mom day activities. It's the side that is trying to make us all feel better by telling us that it's unrealistic to have a clean house and happy children and healthy meals. And that it's ok to spend all day watching TV and scrolling through Facebook because motherhood is hard, and we all deserve a break. But it's not ok for me.

Me "doing the best that I can" means that I'm at least giving an effort. I know that I won't always live up to my perfect expectations, but I'm not ok with lowering my expectations so that I can meet them every day with minimal effort. My kids deserve better than that.

I know I'll still have bad mom days. And probably a lot more of them than I would like. But the important part is that that's not the norm. "Real life" to me is laughing with my kids, reading them stories and giving them kisses. It's watching them grow and learn and amaze me every single day. Bad mom days are a part of that life, but only a very small part."